Happy birthday to the greatest husband in the universe, Scott McClanahan

Sorry to all the other great husbands out there but you lost

Scott McClanahan was born on this day in Lewisburg, WV in 1978.

Scott McClanahan is a Cancer sun and a Cancer rising. His Mercury and Jupiter are also in Cancer.

Scott McClanahan is an only child.

Scott McClanahan’s first crush was on his aunt.

Scott McClanahan got a fever when he was a boy and hallucinated green army men.

Scott McClanahan used to sneak his English textbook home to read it for fun.

Scott McClanahan won the Golden Pen award and tried to pass it off as a handwriting contest, because admitting he’d won it for writing was too embarrassing. With his winnings, he took his parents out to eat at a Chinese restaurant.

Scott McClanahan wrote under a number of pen names as a child, and submitted to literary magazines on a regular basis until his mom told him to stop. (She was worried that the people he was writing to were bad people.)

Scott McClanahan has a scar on his leg from when his friend Reynaldo Lopez stabbed him with a pencil.

Scott McClanahan was the football quarterback until he broke his arm. The bone punctured the skin. He still has trouble in that arm. But the broken arm allowed him to focus on his true love, writing.

Scott McClanahan went to Concord College, where he majored in History and English.

Scott McClanahan was on the school paper, where he met his future best friend, Chris Oxley, and his future first wife, Sarah. While on the school paper, Scott McClanahan forged a bunch of letters signed by nonexistent students who were outraged over the columns of Scott McClanahan.

Scott McClanahan then got his Master’s in English at Marshall University.

Scott McClanahan then went to law school at WVU. He had a breakdown partway through and dropped out.

Scott McClanahan then got a job substitute teaching.

Scott McClanahan then got a job at a community college, where he still works to this day. He has taught literally thousands of adults in southern West Virginia.

Scott McClanahan published his first book Stories by Six Gallery Press in 2008. He had to lay out the book himself and didn’t know what he was doing so the book has no page numbers.

Scott McClanahan had a daughter in 2010 and a son in 2012.

Scott McClanahan has a Wikipedia page full of lies.

Scott McClanahan met his second wife in a tiny bookstore in Brooklyn in 2011. She thought he was a great writer and interviewed him for a literary blog. Neither of them would have guessed they’d end up married. But that is what they did, three years later.

Scott McClanahan is a real worrywart who is constantly fretting if his kids are going to hurt themselves or his wife is going to hurt herself or if anyone in his family might possibly be unhappy.

Scott McClanahan is a very conscientious father who goes and gets his kids exactly what they want to eat and reads his daughter stories about women role models at night and plays sports and video games with his son.

Scott McClanahan is a very conscientious husband who regularly does small things to make his wife happy, like surprise-cleaning the bathroom and surprise-buying her flowers.

Scott McClanahan is a very conscientious son. He talks to his parents almost every day and has never really given them any trouble.

Scott McClanahan is a very conscientious son-in-law, who plays the weekly Economist trivia game with his father-in-law, and will watch basically any movie his mother-in-law wants to see with him.

Scott McClanahan is a mostly conscientious friend. He might fail to text back, but he shows up when it really matters.

Scott McClanahan isn’t a huge fan of his dog but he still walks her almost every day and loves her dearly.

Scott McClanahan doesn’t like slimy vegetables, the heat, when people talk about gross stuff at dinner, or new things.

Scott McClanahan is a master dishwasher. It’s an art. He’s an artist.

Scott McClanahan has an encyclopedic knowledge of film, music, books, ancient Greece and Rome, and a lot of other stuff.

Scott McClanahan is the smartest person I know. He is really bad at basic math, though.

Scott McClanahan always makes me feel better when I am sad or angry or anxious.

Scott McClanahan is surprisingly gentle, patient, and sweet.

Scott McClanahan makes me laugh on a regular basis.

Scott McClanahan is my favorite writer.

Scott McClanahan is the best husband in the universe.